The Sunny side of life

I think I'm just about over this cold, which is good since my next chemo is on Thursday. I've enjoyed feeling fairly normal this past week, going out to lunch, and having enough energy to go for a swim and clean up the house. I was listening to music while walking the other day and was singing along with this song from the movie "Oh, Brother, where art thou". It sounds a bit hokey just to read it, but somehow, when it's sung, it's kind of inspiring. I think I'll make it my theme song, because it really DOES help, even when things aren't good, to try and find something good to focus on. I think I'm finally able, and am glad, after all these years, to be able to say that my mindset is shifting from naturally pessimistic to more optimistic regardless of the circumstances.

There’s a dark and a troubled side of life,
But there’s a bright and a sunny side too,
Though you meet with the darkness and strife,
The sunny side you also may view.

Keep on the sunny side,
Always on the sunny side,
Keep on the sunny side of life,
It will help us every day,
It will brighten all the way,
If we’ll keep on the sunny side of life.

Though the storm and it’s furies rage today,
Crushing hope that we cherish so dear,
The cloud and storm will in time pass away,
And the sun again will shine bright and clear.

Let us greet with the song of hope each day,
Though the moment be cloudy or fair,
And let us trust in our Saviour always,
He’ll keep us every one in his care.

random thoughts

The other day I saw a PBS special with Johnny Mathis crooning all those oldies but goodies - I'd forgotten how much I like his music. They also showed clips of him on the Andy Williams show, and I'd forgotten about Andy Williams too. Guess I'm showing my age big time, but their music is just so mellow.

Work has been pretty busy lately, which keeps me out of trouble. It was tough getting back to being at work all day and on Monday and Tuesday I was ready to go home by noon. I've been tired, but not terribly tired, so I guess I'm doing OK. I'm starting to enjoy food again, and eating a lot of fresh fruit since juicy things taste really good to me now for some reason. This morning I splurged and had a half caf "Merrimint Mocha" at Java City with whipped cream on top - Boy was it yummy. I'm looking forward to going out to a birthday lunch tomorrow for one of my coworkers and we are having our department "Holiday Celebration" lunch on Friday at Maggiano's. So I should be fattening up quite nicely.

I've been trying to take walks on my lunch break, and I really feel like I ought to go for a swim tonight to loosen up my back and shoulders (which tend to get very tight from work), but I'm so tired/lazy and it's getting dark now and I hate to go back out....excuses, excuses, excuses....we'll see.

I'm loving all the colors on the trees lately - they are so beautiful, especially in the morning when the sun shines through them on the way to work. I suppose I should be trying to get into the "Christmas" spirit, but I just can't seem to get there, even with so many of the radio stations playing only Christmas music now. Humbug : p

Back to work tomorrow

Well, Thanksgiving and my vacation are over. I'm not completely over my cold, but I'm feeling a whole lot better, and will be going back to work tomorrow - oh boy! That will be hard after being a virtual hermit/vegetable for over a week, but I guess it will be good to get back into the "swing" of things.

I cooked a little bit yesterday and enjoyed a short visit with Emily and Andrew today. It's been a rather cold rainy drab day otherwise, and I don't feel like writing much.

On a final "Thanksgivingy" note, I really like this poem that I found in the newspaper during the holidays. It's by a Quaker poet, John Greenleaf Whittier, and short enough to memorize:

“No longer forward nor behind,
I look in hope or fear;
But grateful take the good I find,
The best of now and here.”

I'm not gonna take it anymore! : )

I haven't felt well enough to want t0 write anything since the last post. I felt even sicker than I normally feel after chemo because I finally caught from my dear old hubby's cold. I suppose the sight of us both snorting and coughing and blowing and sneezing could seem funny if we were on a sitcom, but it's been pretty darn miserable, especially yesterday. The morning was the worst, but it helped to drink some fluids and to turn on the humidifier full blast next to me. It was a combination of the "truck ran over me" fatigue and achy feeling from the chemo, the constant drip of my nose, dry stinging eyes, and the constant sinus pressure in my head.

We tried to make it a little festive by having a scaled down version of Thanksgiving, and even though we couldn't taste much, we (mostly Rick) made some of the traditional Thanksgiving Day "fixin's". Since the weather was also gorgeous, I forced myself to walk, dragging along in the beginning, broke down in tears on Rick's shoulder for a minute, and then about halfway through, actually was able to enjoy the sunshine and the breeze -- it really helped. I had to remind myself that at least I wasn't in the hospital like I was LAST Thanksgiving, but I almost think it might have been easier then, because at least I had the nice push button pain relief "you will soon not care about much of anything" gadget to push around with me.

Later in the afternoon we watched the video, "Live Free and Die Hard" and it was very entertaining, but it was also fairly long, and by the end of it I was empathizing quite well with the "dying hard" part of it (HA!). I conked out for about an hour and had a very refreshing nap, then we watched episodes of "24" -seems like the dialogue in the earlier episodes are not nearly as good as the later ones, so I think I'll skip to the end of the last season if I watch any more of those.

When I went to bed last night, I told my body and myself that I'd had ENOUGH of being sick, and that when I woke up in the morning I was going to be better. I even did some of that visualization stuff they talk about - picturing germs and cancer being swept out of my body...(shades of "The Green Mile") - Hey, I was ready to do anything by that point. I guess it worked, because even though I had drenching night sweats for some reason (and I haven't had a fever), I woke up feeling like a new person. My nose was all dried up, the fatigue had lifted considerably, and my eyes and head felt fine! My taste and appetite are not back yet and I have few sore spots on my tongue, but that's all Mickey Mouse stuff to me now. I know I'm on the way up in this crazy horrible ride and I think I'm going with the mantra, "I'm sick of being sick and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" OOOOHH, I'm scaring myself!!!! lol.

Addendum: I had to say goodbye to my favorite nurse at the clinic on Wednesday - she is going back to school and taking a job with different hours. I went to Southern Season and got her a going away gift and some goodies for the rest of staff. I'm so glad to have gotten to know her and thankful she was there for me during the worst phase of the chemo. I hope to see her in the near future if she comes out to play soccer as she says she plans to do.

Mini-marathon - woo hoo!

My biggest accomplishment today so far - walking around my circle in the sunshine (nice!) for half an hour - as my mom and I used to say when we had the sillies, "Whoopeeeee!!!"

My other amazing feats of wonder were vacuuming yesterday and cleaning the kitchen both yesterday and today.

I guess it's all relative, but I'm ready to feel strong again and I'm not even close yet, so I'll have to try and cultivate a little more patience.

Maintenance mode

Things to be thankful for - a good night's sleep after taking some medicine, less nausea and bad taste this cycle so far, vacation days through Thanksgiving so I don't have to struggle with feeling sick and working at the same time, not catching Rick's cold (yet, I hope!), having a loving hubby who tries to take care of me even when HE's sick, neighbors who come by to visit, and having some videos to watch (when my head doesn't hurt) .

The majority of this past weekend was spent either in bed or on the couch (except for a 10 minute walk outside yesterday). Feels like a truck ran over me, bones aching, exhaustion, headache, feeling like I'm in some kind of alien existence, and an episode of severe intestinal cramping at midnight on Saturday that seemed to last forever -- but was probably only about an hour since I took an antispasmodic and then a pain pill. I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me - that happened in one of the other chemo cycles too.

I'm pretty darn weak from not eating much, but my spirits seem to be pretty good - I think it's because I'm hoping the worst is over, I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving with Emily and Andrew, and I'm also looking forward to having Matthew return from Africa next month in time for Christmas. He called this weekend and is doing well. It really won't matter to me what we have to eat or what the house looks like (my housekeeping is lagging even MORE since being sick). It will just be good to be together with family at home.

Thursday,Day 1 of Chemo #4 - and an E.R. glimpse

I'm finally at the last of the yukkier part of my chemotherapy - After this treatment I have 4 cycles (21-days) of only 1 drug, Taxotere, which is supposed to cause fewer side effects overall - less nausea and less decrease in my white count. (However, it can possibly cause "peripheral neuralgia" - effects on the nerves of the hands/fingers and/or toes/feet/legs such as numbness and tingling.) I'm OK with trading the nausea and other stuff for this other possibility.

Things went OK at the clinic this morning except that they couldn't draw blood from my intravenous chest port again, but there was no problem with infusing the medicine, so that's good. Just meant I had to have an additional stick in my arm, no biggie. Hopefully, the port can be unclogged again. Tomorrow afternoon is "shot in the tummy day" (the white cell booster).

I've had a slight headache and have been taking Tylenol, and I've had popsicles and juice and water, and later in the evening had some bland solid food including an egg custard I made....I messed it up in that my eyes wandered to the page next to the recipe I was following and I got two different custard recipes mixed up with each other! So the custard has a good taste, but doesn't have the right texture. It's quite edible, but I think I'll try again tomorrow if I'm feeling OK since the texture what I really love about egg custard! Where are those instant Jello custard mixes I used to be able to find???? They seem to have disappeared. Or maybe I'll just pick up a an egg custard pie from K&W on my way home from the doctor tomorrw - and some TCBY white chocolate mousse yogurt - yum! : ) I'm trying to stick to a lot of cold soft foods - they seem more palatable, although soup is good too.

I've just taken some sleep-inducing nausea medicine (although the nausea is not very noticeable yet - usually gets worse starding on the 3rd day), but it also helps the headache and insomnia, so I'm off to hopefully get a good night's sleep. Of course, I HAD to stay up and watch a new episode of ER, where Abby is drinking again, and cheated on Luka (with her gross bald not-so-nice supervisor) while he was visiting his sick father in Croatia!!! Very sad - Not like the Abby I thought I knew...a bit of a stretch for her character, I think, despite her alcoholic past. Will she confess to Luka, or will the agony of her lapse in judgment eat away at her and keep her drinking??? Tune in 2 wks from now at this same Bat Channel for the (no doubt) riveting progression of this tale....: )