Brown as a berry

Oh, how long it's been since I wrote in this blog!!! I am BAAADDD to the bone. Ha ha. I've still been writing in my journal occasionally, but have not been motivated to keep up with writing on the computer, probably because I am so saturated with computers at work, that I don't even want to see one, much less USE one at home.

There's no way to make up for the long absence or to share everything that's happened in the past ?5 weeks?, but I just came back from the beach and thought I'd try to post a few pictures; that way, I don't have to write as much : ) I had a great time relaxing with a couple of friends on Holden beach last week, reading, (I finished an excellent book/memoir called "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert), eating seafood, watching silly videos, taking walks and swimming and paddling in the sea!



We had really good weather for the most part, especially on Thursday, when it wasn't as hot as earlier in the week, and there was a nice breeze. We saw people parasailing along the beach almost every day -- maybe sometime I'll get up the nerve to try it!



Here's the view from the deck of our beach house on the Intercoastal waterway one foggy morning. It was so relaxing to get up and have our morning tea or coffee while rocking on the porch.



Here I am posing for a pic - Is it sandy on the beach, or is it Sandy on the beach?



I LOOOOVVVEE beach vacations!

Walked for the cure but got sick instead

Well, I had a pretty good time "Walking for the Cure" this past weekend, but now I've got a head cold and it sucks. Not that the two are necessarily related. Someone at work had a cold and then had to take antibiotics for a sinus infection, so maybe I picked up a virus then. I feel yucky.

That is all.

Cruisin'

Just got back yesterday from a cruise to the Bahamas - I'm feeling lazy so this post will be hightlights I copied from an email I just sent:

It was great to get away and not have any responsibilities or concerns for a week. My review on the cruise is mixed - some things were great, others disappointing compared to the wedding cruise we took in 2000 to Cozumel. We had a view of the ocean this time so that was nicer. Our friend’s group booked very early and got outdoor balconies for about the same price we paid - we chatted with them briefly on their balcony after dinner one evening.

The first shore excursion to Freeport was relaxing - we went to an all-inclusive hotel called the Viva Wyndham and hung out on the beautiful beach under a wooden umbrella. We had both sunny and partly cloudy weather that day. We had trouble booking a shore excursion in Nassau - the one we were going to do with our friends got cancelled due to too few participants, and our second choice was sold out. We ended up having a pretty good day anyway - we went to the Crafts Market right next to the pier in the morning, and I got a straw hat and very pretty straw handbag and shopped for souvenirs. We went on a Taxi Van tour of the island in the afternoon. This worked out pretty well in that it rained buckets a good part of the afternoon when we were inside the van, and cleared up just in time for us to get out at the next stop at a fort. The van itself was small and I was a bit cramped, but we heard some of the history of the islands. They appear even poorer and more run-down in the inner city than Jamaica, but I suspect that's partly because of their smaller size. No surprise that their number one industry is tourism, followed by banking.

We enjoyed some fabulous broadway type on-board evening shows with a singing and dancing group, and one show with a magician/comedian that had me bent over laughing and crying. He did some awesome magic and ended with a beautiful story and an amazing "illusion". However, my biggest criticism of the cruise was that the music and sound systems on the sundeck and in the shows was WAY too loud. We decided to leave one show a little early because our ears hurt even though we had earplugs. The food and dining facilities were good, but not as good as 8 years ago, although the service was incredible. We were seated with a wonderful Hungarian waiter named Sandor. In general, the staff on the cruise were genuinely cheerful, pleasant and helpful.

We both managed to get some sun, although for the most part, we tried to stay in the shade as much as possible so as not to get burned. I've been instructed to be more careful in the sun for about a year after radiation treatment, and of course my hubby did not want to get burned and be miserable afterwards. However, we are both more tanned than before we left. We purchased some professional photos that were taken on board, and I got a lot of photos with the instant cameras I took.

All in all, I enjoyed my vacation and feel very blessed to have been able to go.

HAIR

I am SOOOO EXCITED!!!! Today I found a few short eyelashes growing and tiny dark dots (hair follicles) -- and can feel miniscule beginnings of eyebrows. I felt compelled to look up the lyrics to the "Hair" song in the same-named musical - Here's an excerpt - I found especially amusing the lines with "Give a home to the fleas in my hair" and the last verse ending with "Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!" Who knew I would be so happy about having hair!!!!?????? : )


Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my...

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!

C'est fini

It's the time of the day when I usually have to leave for radiation, and I'M SOOOO HAPPY I DON'T HAVE TO GO TODAY BECAUSE I'M DONE!!!!!!! What a relief!!! I started working half days today, but that's OK, because working sure beats cancer treatment any day of the week. I'll have to remember that when I'm back at work and perhaps (probably?) not having a lot of "fun".

I'm trying to get used to getting up earlier, and Li'l Kitty helped in that department by deciding to be a pain just before 6 a.m. I also woke up at 6 am yesterday (Sunday) for no apparent reason...so I'm feeling the lack of sleep, but I guess I'm getting back to a work schedule "cold turkey" - no easing into it for me : )

I am so very grateful for the love and encouragement of my family and friends which has gotten me through these difficult months. I hope and pray for better health and to get back some physical strength in the days to come! Hooray for endings, and Yahoo for beginnings!!!

Feels like retirement

So far, my activities (or lack of them) today must be what I imagine it feels like to be retired, or like what a wealthy non-working person might do! I slept late and had a cup of tea on the deck. Afterwards, I registered for the Fun Pass for the upcoming cruise and checked out the shore excursions.

Then I went for walk on the Meadowmont walking trails - The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and people were walking their dogs -- an absolutely gorgeous day full of Carolina blue skies. It's so warm today that it feels like summer already, and I had to be careful to cover up the radiation burns on my right side. Then I put my feet up and and read the paper while sitting outside eating a spinach and shrimp salad at La Russa's. Boy, I sure could get used to days like this!!!

I'll be gradually easing back into working after the 14th, but I'm savoring the last few days of "freedom" - of not having to sit at a computer inside in a cubicle all day long. Ugh, I don't even want to think about it! So I won't until I have to! : )

Extra crispy!...and "Roseanne Roseannadanna"

Yesterday as I was being "radiated", I started giggling. From out of nowhere, the words, "extra-crispy" entered my mind. Probably because on the right side of my chest, I have lots of really dark freckles and I'm about five shades more tanned and burned than the left side of my chest. I'm also sore and itchy, and so I slather on pure aloe gel, hydrocortisone cream and Eucerin cream at night and in the morning. I'm not supposed to put on any kind of cream or lotion or deoderant within 4 hours of radiation because they will act like oil on the skin which then gets "cooked". Lovely. Actually, it really doesn't bother me much...it's just kind of different.

For the last 8 days I get something called a "Boost" (no, that's not the drink that you might have with your extra crispy dark meat Kentucky fried chicken...hmmm, why am I relating things to food??? ; ) What that means is that only a smaller area around the lumpectomy incision gets the radiation, for super-duper killing power for any cancer cells that might be lurking around the original site of the cancer. Hopefully there are none, but if there are, they get super-zapped.

I finished reading a couple of books this week. One was, "The Idiot's Guide to Breast Cancer" and the other was Gilda Radner's autobiography, "It's Always Something". Gilda died in 1989 within a couple of years of being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The critiques that were written on the outside and inside covers of this book said it was filled with her humor and spirit. There was some humor and joy in her story, but for the most part, it struck me as a pretty darn SAD story of someone who went through a lot of hellish experiences and recurrences and then died too young. Of course, cancer treatment back then was not nearly as sophisticated as it is now.

I'm not sure how I would react if I were told in the next few years that my cancer had recurred. Right now I would say that there's no way in hell I'd go through chemo again, but one never really knows until faced with something what you'd actually do. The will to live is really strong, but that also has to be weighed against the quality of life.

I'm trying to put these morbid thoughts out of my mind, and apparently it is very normal to think these kinds of thoughts when your treatment is completing or completed. Even if your prognosis is good, you still can't go merrily along your way pretending that everything is ginger-peachy and nothing has happened, because with cancer things are still not that definitive. But you have to put it out of your mind as much as possible so you can live for today. I'm told that these fears ease as the years go by, as you go to checkups and find, hopefully, that you are cancer free.

When this all started, I told myself I would not let this disease define me, and I still don't plan on that happening. I'm going to do my best to recover and get on with my life, thankful for every day that I have. I'm going to live the rest of my life as fully as possible, regardless of how long it is.